Please note: This is going to be a very casual post…
Hey!! how are you?
How old are you? yes, you?
Have you managed, to get yourself the job of your dreams???
Have you been able to get married yet?
Oh, that car we used to talk about, have you bought it?
Do you have a baby yet?
Do you feel trapped?
Do you feel, you have outgrown your partner?
Do you feel you could have got yourself someone better?
Do you feel confused??
and most of all, are you happy?? or are you satisfied??
He was married for 3 years now,and ‘the’ wife was pregnant,they had known each other for a decade ,he was bored,very bored,he started dreading coming home from office,to his cranky pregnant wife,he was not happy with his life,he missed his college friends,some of whom were still single and travelling and apparently living his dream.He was 30 yrs old.
She had been single since forever ,her fear of rejection taking the toll,but now since she was reaching the ‘marriageble age ‘ her parents were worried,they wanted her to get ‘settled’,she was confused ,wasnt if she could give away her solitude,she was also scared to ‘die alone’,she wasnt sure of what she wanted ,she was very very unsure.She was 27 yrs old.
All he did was work these days,his office was his first home now,he could not recall when was the last time he took a break,he was tired ,tired of his ‘lifeless’ existence,he had no time at all,he missed those days ,those days of leisure where he would do nothing at all and pass the whole day just looking at the fan on his wall.He was 29 years old.
She felt lonely,unloved,though in a relationship , she was not in one at all.She would try each dress that would make her feel a little tall,She craved for attention and felt lonely and very small.She was 34 yrs old.
He was brilliant in his craft had a loving wife, but no work he could get at all, it pained so much to let his wife pay for every time they went to the mall. He would freak it out every time the Sensex made a fall, he was 32 yrs old.
She was not being able to concieve,they tried several times,this time it happened,she was happy but very anxious,she had worked really hard on her career was she ready to give it away,she wasn’t sure,she was scared to the core.She was 28 yrs old.
Well, we have all hit our quarter-life already(being very optimistic thinking of life expectancy to be 100).
Quarter-life crisis as defined in the Collins British dictionary can be defined as a crisis experienced in one’s twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.
According to Eric Ericson’s stages of psychosocial development, people pass through a series of staged centred on social and emotional development.
At each point in a person life, he/she faces a conflict, which ought to be resolved and if it is not resolved, the person will have some of the other psychological issues.
We i.e. people between the age group, 21-39 are going through the sixth psychosocial stage of development i.e. intimacy vs. isolation(crisis), the virtue that we shall learn is love, yes love. He believed that it is vital that people develop close, commited relationships with other people, which are not necessarily romantic relationships, close friendships are also important. he described the stages as characterized by closeness, intimacy, honesty and of course love.
Apart from love, employment, choosing a career path, not feeling passionate about work, basically entering into the real world after college may become a major cause for stress and anxiety, living by oneself and ‘adulting’ might become unsettling to some.
Well all of us had dreams,had visions of how we wanted our lives to be ,and a very few of us have actually been able to achieve it,whether on the work front or on the relationship front ,so here are a few tips that can be of help:
- First of all it is not too late,it never is.
- Some things cannot be changed and those which cannot have to be accepted,no point wasting energy on thinking about it.
- Things that can be changed ,ought to be changed,yes procrastination is a real problem and getting back that motivation is hard ,but it ought to be done and done now!! yes changing things will never be easy,equilibriums will be disturbed ,it will settle down eventually ,take the plunge ,take the risk.
- Surround yourself with people who know you,who believe in you and your dreams and support you.
- Make a legitimate list of pros and cons of the decision you are about to take.
- Consult people you trust,ask for help,ask,approach…
- Do things that help you be motivated,it is absolutely normal to feel stagnated at some point in life, do things along which help you be happy .pursue your hobbies,take a break.
- Engage in whatever you do,with full zeal.
- Move on,yes easier said than done,but let not your past experiences,hamper your present.
- Anticipate,your problems beforehand and be prepared.
- Accept opportunities,see them as opportunities instead of stressors.
- Stop comparing,the grass is always greener on the other side,everybody has a different timeline,no two timelines are or can be the same,so it is absolutely futile to do so.Stop doing it.
- if the distress is too much ,there is sleep disturbance,disturbance in appetite,daily functioning is being hampered,there is death wish,suicidal ideas,panic attacks,physical symptoms,there is no harm in seeking help from a mental health professional.
- lastly you are not alone,reach out,talk about it,vent it out,you will always find a keen ear somewhere.
here i am attaching two songs,which depict this condition 😀
15 responses to “Quarter-life crisis…yes it has a name!!”
Thank you papa
This is a very important and pertinent blog for people of our age group. Many people who burden themselves with high expectations tend to get astray during this phase and it’s important that people learn to live this phase better.. Hope your blog helps those in need. 😊✌
Thank you so much comrade,let us march out together and fight with stigma 😄
Very well written Saru. Everyone could relate with one of those he/she.
Also reminds me of my plan to go through Eriksons hypothesis in detail.. Haha..
Keep it up!
Haha bhaiya so jaaie,it is late!!
Brilliant piece, summing up the quarter life crisis so well…. Almost everyone have experienced it or experiencing at some point, can correlate very well… 😊
One place I believe you meant Accept Challenges/Problems as opportunities… Is midlife crisis same as quarter life crisis… I assume it’s not…
Mental Health and Awareness is very important and integral part of one well being… Keep writing nd helping the society 😊☮️✌🏻
Thank you so much, happy to help.
Mid-life crisis,is definitely different because the issues and stressors in that stage are different.
Yes it should have a name Dr sarandha. Beautiful writing
Thank you didi thank you
This is really awsome piece of peace… Give the share option for LinkedIn also. This blog will be more useful to professionals outside medical fraternity. Keep writing…
Thank you so much ma’am
Really positive read…Dr. Sarandha..
Thank you @Gargi bhabhi for sharing this.
Thank you so much for reading it miss 😊