To womenhood

4:00 am in the morning,at the airport she started bleeding 7 days before she expected, unprepared she panicked in the washroom, boarding had started she could not go back to the shopping area,and when she decided to board and ask someone for help on board,a kind lady came for her rescue ,they did not even exchange their names and she parted with a sense of gratitude for a stranger and decided to always carry hygiene products so that she could help someone in need someday too .

Can’t imagine my life without maa and this girl.
Badi mummy,thank you for raising us all so well.

She lost her mother when she was 18 ,she was pregnant today,was struggling daily on how to do the right thing for her baby,her husband was there for her,but,it was not enough,he would try ,still that was not enough,a friend of hers who stayed near by,came for her rescue would spend time with her ,take her for walks,listen to her and just be there for her,this friend was the first person after her husband who took her baby daughter in her arms,she might not be in touch with this friend of hers ,but she will always be thankful and pray for her wellbeing.

We love you auntie and nani

She was going through an abusive marriage,he would not touch her ,but would curse her and yell at her,she could not share with her parents,she just could not bother them,her elder cousin came to her rescue,she listened to what the issue was, confronted the husband ,gave her a piece of their mind and stood there like a rock for her baby sister.

It was her final year of post graduation,she had emergency duties,her mother fell ill,just before her exams ,she had to choose between her mother and her degree,she was lucky to have a collegue who covered up for her and did emergency duties for 5 days at a stretch. They both might not be in touch today ,but always pray for each other’s well being.

They were not giving her maternity leaves ,her baby had to be breast fed,she and her friends protested,but the authorities did not pay heed,she would bring her baby to the hospital and her friends would take care of the baby when she would work.

She was touched inappropriately,would not let a male come near her,her neighbour was a single mother,she restored her faith in love and let her believe that all men are not monsters there are good men out there too.She eventually started believing her,and now knows her worth above everything else.

Love you didda

Didi I look upto you.

This women’s day I decide to stop judging and critisising women for their choices,if she wants to dress like that ,it is her choice,if she wants to not get married it is her choice,if she wants to pursue sports ,it is her choice,if she wants to open up ,it is her choice.

She is vulnerable,she is strong,

she is Caring,she knows how to move on.

She is loving,loves herself above all.

She will nurture you with all she has.

She will be there for you ,no matter what.

She doesn’t need a goddess status,the only thing she asks for is equality in opportunity, making mistakes,in finding love,and freedom to be.She loves her men,and knows where they come from,she knows they need her tender love,she understands they are not all at fault, plans to raise one of her own,someday above gender biases she wants to raise a boy or a girl who will be above these gender biases.Let us all support each other,look out for each other, acknowledge the divine feminity .


Torn apart…

Two worlds and she was one.

She after allot of struggle had finally become one with herself.

But now there were two worlds.

She had to choose.

She had to choose for the first time ever,as till now it was always chosen for her.

The ball was in her court this time.

She had to choose between two precious things.

it was like choosing between two arms.

Like choosing between two children.

Like choosing between two eyes.

It was tough .

She felt torn apart.

Torn apart yet again.

She felt like giving up.

Letting go once again.

Two worlds and none were her.

She decided to let go of both the Worlds and make her own .

Many people face allot of difficulty in Taking decisions, decisions of daily life or important decisions and it is taxing ,very stressful at times.

Having difficulty taking decisions might be a sign of depression.When one is in the throes of despair, there may be a pessimistic view of reasonable options and an inability to act and think.People want others to tak decisions for them.

Indecision can also stem from anxiety.

Anxiety of making the wrong decision, anxiety of hurting people,of letting people down.The fear of making the wrong decision and then facing the consequences is paralysing for a few people.

Indecision might also be due to obsessive traits , obsession for perfection , difficulty in discarding old ,futile items (hoarders with a thought that it might be useful in the future).

So,if anyone of is having incapacitating difficulty(a little difficulty and weighing various options is normal) in taking decisions,the first thing you have to do is rule out any underlying psychiatric illness.

There are various exercises and techniques which help with this difficulty which is taught in behaviour therapies.

One of them is the pros and cons list.

In which one has to make a list of all the possible options , choosing and thinking of the options creatively and then Making a list of pros and cons .

One is also suggested to make a long term vs short term list of pros and cons.All of this done with the aim of productive and more thoughtful decision making.

Whether it is due to a psychiatric Illness or you are just in one of those phases of life where you are standing on the crossroads,you have to go either here or there.This helps and ofcourse discussions with people you trust makes things easier.

Insight into the problem is the first them in overcoming it.

And yes if it is due to the mental illness , eventually with all the other symptoms this will also improve on taking treatment.

So cheers it is not that bad,reach out,you are not alone.



Quarter-life crisis…yes it has a name!!

Please note: This is going to be a very casual post…

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Hey!! how are you?

How old are you? yes, you?

Have you managed, to get yourself the job of your dreams???

Have you been able to get married yet?

Oh, that car we used to talk about, have you bought it?

Do you have a baby yet?

Do you feel trapped?

Do you feel, you have outgrown your partner?

Do you feel you could have got yourself someone better?

Do you feel confused??

and most of all, are you happy?? or are you satisfied??

He was married for 3 years now,and ‘the’ wife was pregnant,they had known each other for a decade ,he was bored,very bored,he started dreading coming home from office,to his cranky pregnant wife,he was not happy with his life,he missed his college friends,some of whom were still single and travelling and apparently living his dream.He was 30 yrs old.

She had been single since forever ,her fear of rejection taking the toll,but now since she was reaching the ‘marriageble age ‘ her parents were worried,they wanted her to get ‘settled’,she was confused ,wasnt if she could give away her solitude,she was also scared to ‘die alone’,she wasnt sure of what she wanted ,she was very very unsure.She was 27 yrs old.

All he did was work these days,his office was his first home now,he could not recall when was the last time he took a break,he was tired ,tired of his ‘lifeless’ existence,he had no time at all,he missed those days ,those days of leisure where he would do nothing at all and pass the whole day just looking at the fan on his wall.He was 29 years old.

She felt lonely,unloved,though in a relationship , she was not in one at all.She would try each dress that would make her feel a little tall,She craved for attention and felt lonely and very small.She was 34 yrs old.

He was brilliant in his craft had a loving wife, but no work he could get at all, it pained so much to let his wife pay for every time they went to the mall. He would freak it out every time the Sensex made a fall, he was 32 yrs old.

She was not being able to concieve,they tried several times,this time it happened,she was happy but very anxious,she had worked really hard on her career was she ready to give it away,she wasn’t sure,she was scared to the core.She was 28 yrs old.

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Well, we have all hit our quarter-life already(being very optimistic thinking of life expectancy to be 100).

Quarter-life crisis as defined in the Collins British dictionary can be defined as a crisis experienced in one’s twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.

According to Eric Ericson’s stages of psychosocial development, people pass through a series of staged centered on social and emotional development.

At each point in a person life, he/she faces a conflict, which ought to be resolved and if it is not resolved, the person will have some of the other psychological issues.

We i.e. people between the age group, 21-39 are going through the sixth psychosocial stage of development i.e. intimacy vs. isolation(crisis), the virtue that we shall learn is love, yes love. He believed that it is vital that people develop close, commited relationships with other people, which are not necessarily romantic relationships, close friendships are also important. he described the stages as characterized by closeness, intimacy, honesty and of course love.

Apart from love, employment, choosing a career path, not feeling passionate about work, basically entering into the real world after college may become a major cause for stress and anxiety, living by oneself and ‘adulting’ might become unsettling to some.

Well all of us had dreams,had visions of how we wanted our lives to be ,and a very few of us have actually been able to achieve it,whether on the work front or on the relationship front ,so here are a few tips that can be of help:

  • First of all it is not too late,it never is.
  • Some things cannot be changed and those which cannot have to be accepted,no point wasting energy on thinking about it.
  • Things that can be changed ,ought to be changed,yes procrastination is a real problem and getting back that motivation is hard ,but it ought to be done and done now!! yes changing things will never be easy,equilibriums will be disturbed ,it will settle down eventually ,take the plunge ,take the risk.
  • Surround yourself with people who know you,who believe in you and your dreams and support you.
  • Make a legitimate list of pros and cons of the decision you are about to take.
  • Consult people you trust,ask for help,ask,approach…
  • Do things that help you be motivated,it is absolutely normal to feel stagnated at some point in life, do things along which help you be happy .pursue your hobbies,take a break.
  • Engage in whatever you do,with full zeal.
  • Move on,yes easier said than done,but let not your past experiences,hamper your present.
  • Anticipate,your problems beforehand and be prepared.
  • Accept opportunities,see them as opportunities instead of stressors.
  • Stop comparing,the grass is always greener on the other side,everybody has a different timeline,no two timelines are or can be the same,so it is absolutely futile to do so.Stop doing it.
  • if the distress is too much ,there is sleep disturbance,disturbance in appetite,daily functioning is being hampered,there is death wish,suicidal ideas,panic attacks,physical symptoms,there is no harm in seeking help from a mental health professional.
  • lastly you are not alone,reach out,talk about it,vent it out,you will always find a keen ear somewhere.

here i am attaching two songs,which depict this condition 😀


The white Pigeon…

He was a White Pigeon, one of its kind.

He was a White Pigeon, alone in the crowd.

He was a white pigeon, he loved one of his kind.

He was a white pigeon, cornered by them all.

He was a white pigeon, he fell for another one.

He was a white pigeon, told not to love the one.

He was a white pigeon,called names by the grey ones.

He was a white pigeon, free to be trapped in his own world.

One fine day,the white pigeon,found a white hawk.

he was a white hawk who was in love with a swan,he was also called names and trapped in his world.Together they formed a bond,a bond that lasted until the dawn,they flew above them all…

there were white birds as beautiful as any other one,trapped in their own worlds…

#loveforall#stopthediscrimination
Sexuality is a spectrum.


Grief and life.

raat bhar yaad aati rahi’

Well today I’ll be writing about ,grief…

So basically grief is a fancy term given for the subjective feeling one has ,when one survives a loss ,loss of a loved one ,loss of a bond or affection that was formed.

Although mostly it is used and focused on the emotional response to loss , it also has physical , behavioral, social, spiritual repurcussions.
It is sometimes also used synonymously to mourning,though mourning is the process of getting over grief.

The first response to loss ,DENIAL or disbelief ,which is manifested as searching behaviour ,pinning ,missing ,yearning , longing and protest.
The duration of this phase is also subjective like the response ,some take minutes while others take weeks to get over it.

followed by denying the event, ANGER takes charge manifested as anguish,frustration,irritability,the anger might be displaced on others,or self one tries to take the situation in control,when actually one doesn’t have any control over it. we commonly ask “‘why of all people me!!”‘ we blame God ,we blame ourselves ,we blame life.This phase might last for months together.

BARGAINING ,we are trained this way ,when we desire something that is hard to get we bargain, we bargain with others ,we also bargain with the almighty,” please get this done,i will give up on non vegetarian food.”
“please ,let me see her for one last time,i will never ask for anything else” ,aren’t we designed this way??Breaking the hope ,is tough,this shatters,there is no chance,things can be reversed.
which leads us to the next phase

DEPRESSION ,in this stage one shows the clinical signs of depression ,that is withdrawal ,being alone ,sleep disturbance ,hopelessness ,sometimes suicidal ideas ,guilt, loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities.
Not everybody goes through this phase and the severity is also variable and subjective.

The final stage is ACCEPTANCE ,people realise the inevitability of death , seperation and accept the universality of the experience.
ideally when there is proper resolution ,people can talk about the experience and facing the unknown.

Speaking of it generally ,ALL of us ,at some point or the other in life have to face separation from the loved ones ,face losses, either to death or to life .

“In my abode there is neither birth ,death,old age or disease. Going there one never returns”

Shree Krishna


Sublimation

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Sublimation refers to the change from solid to gas without passing through the liquid phase, metaphorical for the change from solid bulked up emotions, anxieties, insecurities to feeling lighter and better.

They had to part ways, there was no other way,she loved him allot,he was scared to acknowledge .They met when both were vulnerable,both needy in someway,both craved for company,they were happy to have found each other,there were fireworks initially.She missed his laugh the most,he was such a comedian,she missed the non sense they did together.But, it wasnt meant to be,may be, they thought they had met earlier things would have been different.She was sad ,felt emptied again,felt miserable again.But, she could not flaunt her sadness,she could not tell anyone ,no one,but herself.She looked at her paintings,looked at her candle jars ,why had she stopped?Time had coagulated over her.She could not love him ,not allowed so she picked up her brush and painted the canvas yellow and black,he loved yellow.They parted forever .But,she felt less empty less lonely.

He was cheated upon by his wife and friend,he had loved her since forever,he was 35 now and divorced since 5 years,he did not want another relationship,he said his emotions had died,he felt betrayed,he was hurt,sadly he still loved her,he loved his babies,But could not have them now, he missed her smell ,she smelled like first rain,he missed her nose,cute as a button.He looked at his flickr account,remembered he had taught her how to click pictures, he missed her,he cleaned up his lens and tripod and set out in his car into the wilderness.

Her daughter got married ,son moved out for college ,husband got transfered and dearest dog died,But she had to be strong,strong for everybody,she was the soul of the family ,she could not afford to breakdown.She looked at her harmonium ,remembered the times when they all jammed together,all of them musicians,she smiled and registered herself for a music class.She still felt lonely at times but much better than before.She sang herself out of the misery.

He was about to reach his retirement,he had started loosing his friends to death,he had started forgetting things,he felt inadequate,he felt numb ,he was sad very sad.But he could not breakdown ,he had nobody to fall onto,he looked at his library ,all the books were covered in dust,he picked up his favorite one which helped him gather himself.

she blogged and blogged and blogged to get over her failure .

well, sublimation is basically the gratification of an urge an impulse whose goal is retained but the mode and object are changed from a socially objectionable to a socially valued one. In sublimation, the feelings are acknowledged, modified and directed towards a relatively significant person.

It ultimately results in modest instinctual satisfaction results.

are we using sublimation here,yes we are.