pill shaming

My first fifty milligrams…

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50 mgs of a drug,

A drug that i have been prescribing without a second thought or hesitation to so many of my patients since almost 6 years now…

50 mgs of a ssri ,a drug which i remember my father taking when i was a baby and getting back to his normal chirpy self,20 mgs of its brother drug which my mother has been taking since long.

50 mgs of an ssri aand here i am questioning my ability as a mental health professional,or is it a part of my illness?

i ponder i procrastinate,i suffer even after knowing that this might help

i delay,i think ,i judge myself,

50 mgs of an ssri for the first time and i feel low about it,it is a sinking feeling,most probably a symptom of my illness

june 2020 i take my first 50 mgs of ssri,and i feel ,empathise and understand all those peoples plight,who hesitate taking psychotropics ,who refrain from opening up about it ,and suffer for longer they could,this pill shaming runs deep,it is embedded deeply,difficult to overcome and uproot …

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pill shaming can be defined as the negative reaction and responses that one receives when they are taking medications

it is usually seen with mental health issues or menstrual issues,i would restrict this blog to psychotropics…

so why is it there and why do we justify it?

  1. IGNORANCE: many of us including myself minimize our distress,invalidate our feelings of despair and say to ourselves ‘ah this happens to everybody”it will get better on its own’ ‘it is not severe enough ,that i need to take meds’ ‘my distress is not that bad that i warrant taking medicines’ well i know how it feels,especially when your judgement is clouded ,i fortunately had my mother and reliable seniors who helped me get over my procrastination and reservations related to being on medicines.
  2. within the mental health community,mental health professionals at times themselves engage into pill shaming, majorly psychologists and alternative therapists(not at all generalizing,i have my share of very good and aware psychologists) and they believe ,that since the medicines did not work very well for them,or some other modality worked better,it is not the right path for anyone else,on the other hand due to the stigma associated with mental illnesses ,people who have genuinely benefited with pharmacotherapy do not open up about it.
  3. Within the medical fraternity as well,people consider psychiatry to a non scientific or vague subject,even though recent advances and studies prove that apart from environmental and psychological factors,biological causes of mental illnesses are equally or even more important,

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  • for example like there is insulin resistance in diabetes,similarly in depression the neurotransmitter serotonin has deficient levels in the brain,and just like giving insulin injections,diabetes can be put under control ,giving antidepressants can help in treating the biological etiology of depression, like stress can aggravate diabetes ,it can affect the mental health as well,like exercising and dietary changes  help with mild insulin resistance,similarly they might help with mild depression and anxiety symptoms as well,when we are diagnosed with diabetes,we get conscious about everything and take our medicines regularly,because we are well informed about the ill effects of not taking the meds and the effects are clearly visible and evident,but for mental illnesses we take a different approach,just because it is not visible and we are not well informed about the adverse effects it can have on our quality of life
  • on our work and functional efficiency
  • Our physical health and immunity 
  • our relationships and social standing
  • it can led to life threatening events like suicide

effects of pill shaming:

  • the lag between the onset of distress and treatment is increased massively ,we delay seeking help,the solution to it is reaching out to people you trust,seeking professional help and letting the experts decide along with your agreement on what will be the correct line of treatment,ask questions whenever in doubt.we as mental health professional are already trying and will keep trying to reduce the stigma and burden of mental illnesses from our side.
  • once starting,we hurry to taper or adherence to medicines is poor,which can lead to frequent relapses,solution to this is again asking your doctor,till what time you will have to take the medicines and reminding them to taper it when they and you feel it is right.
  • people often have to struggle with negative beliefs about themselves,thinking they are ‘less than’ if they have a mental illness or if they need medications,these feelings feed shame,it makes people feel alone and isolated.
  • talking about side effects ,they can be a powerful deterrent if someone is already ambivalent about taking medicines,often side effects subside once our bodies acclimatize to the medication,some might even persist.Like any other treatment the pros need to outweigh the cons,that i why we advocate holistic approach towards treatment,where both the patient and the doctor have a role in deciding the treatment plan,no doctor will ever force you to take medicines(unless there is a lack of insight and your life is at stake”
  • DEP_info_meds

These believes are pervasive  and deep rooted in our culture as a whole, but is even found in some self-help books or mutual-help support groups .It is never helpful to shame individuals struggling with mental health issues and to discourage them from getting help in the same way that they would for any other medical condition.

take home message

Treatment for mental health conditions can help end symptoms, restore quality of life, and allow you to feel healthy once again.Having suffered myself and getting much better on treatment i can vouch for this even more confidently now.Talk to your doctor ,discuss about your concerns and clear your doubts.It requires efforts ,patience and adherence from both sides.

Mental illness is not a moral failing or a lack of motivation and it doesn’t only affect people who don’t try hard enough or who are weak,Instead, mental illness is a chemical imbalance in our brains, and in order for us to not experience symptoms or active illness, we need to seek out and receive ongoing treatment.

It is okay if you have been reluctant about your mental health,it is okay if you have been resistant and biased again taking medicines,it is okay if you have procrastinated and questioned your doctor about the decision,be sure about it,clear your doubts,information(from the right sources) is the greatest tool to reduce anxiety,and please reach out, you are never alone,it is not worth this much suffering…

https://youtu.be/joquQNgtuzk

Ps:SSRI: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor


cleansing…

Blurr…

we had an aquarium ,when i was a kid

we let the fish poop,eat and die in it

would let the dirt settle,making the water unclear…

would make the fish less visible…then once in a month when it would get very dirty…

we would get our hands dirty and put the fish in a smaller vessel,when we moved them,they would gasp for their air i.e. water for a while,some would struggle and fall on the ground…

most of them would get back to normal,once put back in the jar…

some would get sick and recover while some would succumb…

would that stop us from cleaning the aquarium?

would not cleaning it regularly prevent the deaths?

would the dirty aquarium not become like a gas chamber?

would it not lead to sickness ?

well im on the journey of cleansing my minds aquarium,i have opened my long standing wound for dressing

it pains, it hurts, i shriek i cry…i go quiet…

i know it hurts my vicinity as well,but can the flow ,can the journey be stopped?

i am trying hard,really hard to see clearly but in vain,the water is dirty,stagnant,the settled dirt has surfaced…

but i can do nothing but wait…holding on to faith ,giving up on hope…

i am waiting patiently,patiently to see clearly…

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

Contd. On the second page…

Do what you truly desire…


oh dear sleep…

hello readers,

well it has been long since I wrote something related to mental health, I like anyone else am not immune to procrastination, anyway, finally, I could motivate myself enough to write,

without beating around the bush much, let me get to the point here

she was 14 years old,childhood sexual abuse ,positive family history of neurosis,trying to win the rat race took a toll on her mental health,manifesting in the form of long long nights which seemed never ending,the frustration of watching other people sleep peacefully was something noone else could ever decipher,

12th standard board exams ,dreadful most physics paper,pcos,and an ambition to become a doctor ,became too much for her to take,11 pm she went to bed,her mother brother and dog sleeping in the same room,she shut her eyes tight,physics questions moving in her head,motion momentum etc etc,her heart racing faster,she needs to sleep she thought to herself,oh what if she doesnt sleep the whole night,her performance will get hampered ,she will not score marks,she will not do well,she needs to sleep anyhow she thought to herself,she could hear her doggie snore,it was 12 am now,she had to wake up at 7 am to revise one last time,7 hrs of sleep ,good enough she thought,her mother woke up ,and exclaimed “u are still up,sleep now”and this increased her apprehension,oh i really need to sleep she thought to herself,her heart pounding ,she couldn’t lie down now,got up paced around in the other room,took her book out and started reading,she could not focus ,but did not give in,kept reading,1:30 am ,2:00 am and she was wide awake,went back to her room,chanted some mantras,but no her sleep had a mind of her own tonight,was playing hide and seek ,never to be found,she shut her eyes again,just like this she struggled till it was 5 and when she has lost all hope she fell asleep to wake up at 7 with a headache,took the exam…

One of the most significant human behavior,universally demonstrated in all animal species is sleep,it is something that is required by the brain to function.also, one the vegetative functions,very commonly affected in almost every mental illness,sleep is something we dont pay much importance to,whether the sleep disturbance is singularly present or associated with other symptoms,sleep hygiene is something that has been found to be helpful in maintaining regular sleep pattern.

hygiene is something that we have heard very frequently during this pandemic

hygiene can be defined as conditions or practices conducive to maintaining health and preventing disease, so sleep hygiene practices help maintain healthy sleep patterns.ill be mentioning a few points for sleep hygiene:

dos and donts for good sleep hygiene:
DO :

  1. maintaining regular hours of bedtime and rising:sticking to a consistent sleep schedule is very important when it comes to sleep hygiene and cannot be emphasised enough. okay so talking in terms of the current pandemic situation keeping any kind of schedule is hard undoubtedly,still if you figure a way to maintain a regular timing for sleep ,it can pay major dividends for your health,the principle behind this theory being the circardian rhythm.it’s best to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. This allows your brain to predict behavior and cue your body to wind-down or wake-up.

2. maintain a night time routine
creating a winding up routine before sleeping helps the body get habituated to and signals the brain that it is about to go into the sleep mode soon.winding up routine can ideally be started atleast an hour before the desired time of sleep,atleast 1 hour before sleeping one should try to shut out all other work.

3.Create a sleep sanctuary

  • Your bedroom should be a sleep sanctuary! Soft lighting, quiet, and cozy. When the bedroom is devoid of visual and audio stimulants it allows our bodies to restore and refresh for the next day.Basically conducive to sleep,neither very hot nor too cold,comfortable bed and free from disturbing/stimulating sound,light or smell

4.use your bed exclusively for sleep and sex only:

  • again about giving clues to the brain and making it used to the same,if one carries work or entertainment or anything else other than sleeping on the bed,our brain doesnt get the clue that going in your bedroom or bed is equal to sleep,why confuse our brains right.

5. tire your body:

  • being physically active,and exercise helps you sleep better,but scheduling exercise earlier in the day atleast 3 hours prior to the sleep time,tires the body and helps in sleeping better.

6 .go to bed only when very tired and sleepy:

  • to avoid tossing and turning in bed and avoiding the frustration of not being able to sleep.If after 20 or so minutes of laying in bed you do not fall asleep, you should get up do something calm or even boring. You don’t want to lay in bed awake for extended periods of time since this sets up an association of feeling angry, frustrated and depressed while laying in bed. You do not want negative feelings, associations or thoughts while in bed. Try sitting quietly in another room wit the lights off (bright light incorrectly tell your brain that it is time to be awake), or read something boring like the phone book (school books always work well for me). You want to avoid doing anything that is too stimulating or interesting, since this will wake you up even more. When you feel sleepy again, go back to bed and try again.


7. sleep journal :

  • Documenting behaviors and habits by use of a sleep diary or sleep log can be useful to visualize what’s happening and how it influences you. As a sleep physician, I often use a sleep diary to track patients progress and adherence to sleep hygiene rules. Patients are often shocked when comparing their initial patterns to weeks to months later and seeing the dramatic difference and improvement.

DONTS
1.use phones and tablets in bedroom:

  • light from the phones interfere with the release of melatonin,which a sleep inducing hormone.It’s tempting to check emails or social media before we go to bed but this is a horrible habit to get into. This often gets our brain into task mode and the blue light from electronic screens can affect our ability to fall asleep.

2.take caffiene after the sunset:

  • Caffeine can have a disruptive effect on your sleep. The most obvious effect of the stimulant is that it can make it hard for you to fall asleep. One study also found that caffeine can delay the timing of your body clock. These effects will reduce your total sleep time. caffeine is present in tea,coffee,cola,red bull etc.

3.Take alcohol and tobacco :

  • Anyone who drinks alcohol from time to time knows that beer, wine, or spirits can sometimes leave you feeling drowsy. But while alcohol, a depressant, can help you fall asleep faster, it also contributes to poor quality sleep later,so paradoxically alcohol is harmful for sleep structure.
  • Nicotine disrupts sleep – and smoking can also raise the risk of developing sleep conditions, such as sleep apnea. if you are consuming both of these avoid taking them late in the day atleast.

4.taking afternoon naps :

Naps can be an effective tool in giving us a boost for that second half of the day, but they shouldn’t be used too close to bedtime or last longer than 20-30 minutes.

5. eat heavy meals:

  • Avoid heavy and spicy foods at dinner. Gas-forming foods and hurried eating also cause abdominal discomfort, which in turn interferes with sound sleep. Limit your intake of gas-forming foods to the morning hours, and thoroughly chew food to avoid gulping air.

6.watching the clock:

  • This also sets up a negative feeling of “oh no I only have X hours of sleep left” or “I can’t believe it’s 2 am and I’m still awake”. These obsessive and negative thoughts only contribute to your insomnia. Have an alarm set for the desired rise time and unless you hear the alarm go off, it doesn’t matter what time it is; it’s sleep time!

Apart from all this yoga,meditation and other relaxation techniques like the jacobsons progressive muscle relaxation helps in inducing and maintaining good quality sleep…

I am attaching two videos one a musical piece i love and has helped me sleep many times,another the technique i.e. jacobsons progressive muscle relaxation

Please note:Having mentioned sleep hygiene,I would like to emphasize that sleep disturbance can be a symptom of primarily other psychiatric illnesses also,so self diagnosis and medication may lead to implications in the quality of life,for which, seeking professional help is the only thing recommended.

i hope this helps ,feedback is most welcome.

Until next time Goodbye and take care readers,you can get in touch with me through my Instagram page

Wounded_shrink.


Joy and Sorrow

Pass it on and do return 

@vickykaushal09 se prerit
@sirphira_ghumakkad ke dwara vilambit

People turn to God, and spirituality, when they experience suffering,I did too,turned to Bhagwad Geeta 
Vishada means sadness or sorrow, and yoga means the state.(my interpretation)
The first chapter of Geeta is about Arjuna’ sorrow,and doubt,he was taken upon by grief ,grief of what lay in front of him,doubt about what is right and what is not.
Why was Arjuna filled with sorrow in the battlefield? Arjuna the mightiest warrior of all times,the learned disciple of Lord Krishna was sad?Did that make him any less courageous?

It was primarily because he was emotionally attached to his relations and family members . Attachment is a human value.People experience fear and anxiety at the prospect of losing something,in the prospect of seperation

Being human, Arjuna felt the same. His state of mind also revealed that he had preferences and biases in life. We all have likes and dislikes and Arjuna was not different. He had attraction for life and aversion to death. He identified himself with his mind and body, which made him feel vulnerable. Even if you have trained well under a spiritual master for long, in moments of crisis you may act like a normal human being and experience stress. It happened to Arjuna, although he too was well-versed in the knowledge of the scriptures and possessed the knowledge of the Self.

Sorrow is a modification of the mind,  books in Psychiatry have also mentioned mania of extreme happiness to be a defence mechanism against sorrow.

Being sad and anxious to little extent in crisis situations like these are normal.You are not alone.

I am not alone.

Being Sad at times is normal, giving up at times is normal,we are not sages ,we are humans.We feel therefore we are human.
If you study life carefully, you will realize that sorrow opens our eyes to the truths of our existence. It makes us reflective and introspective.it gives depth, compassion and empathy.
Stop judging yourself for giving up. Be kind to yourself.

Learning important lessons from the difficulties and sorrows in your life makes you wiser.
Karma does the same. It chisels our thinking and behavior.Trust the almighty,times are tough ,but we are not alone,We are all connected in a collective consciousness,We are all a part of Him ,he is a part of all of us,Rekindle what you have always had, rekindle your spiritual being,sit with yourself meditate,help others,serve others .
Spread love and positivity.
we are in this together ♥️.


Torn apart…

Two worlds and she was one.

She after allot of struggle had finally become one with herself.

But now there were two worlds.

She had to choose.

She had to choose for the first time ever,as till now it was always chosen for her.

The ball was in her court this time.

She had to choose between two precious things.

it was like choosing between two arms.

Like choosing between two children.

Like choosing between two eyes.

It was tough .

She felt torn apart.

Torn apart yet again.

She felt like giving up.

Letting go once again.

Two worlds and none were her.

She decided to let go of both the Worlds and make her own .

Many people face allot of difficulty in Taking decisions, decisions of daily life or important decisions and it is taxing ,very stressful at times.

Having difficulty taking decisions might be a sign of depression.When one is in the throes of despair, there may be a pessimistic view of reasonable options and an inability to act and think.People want others to tak decisions for them.

Indecision can also stem from anxiety.

Anxiety of making the wrong decision, anxiety of hurting people,of letting people down.The fear of making the wrong decision and then facing the consequences is paralysing for a few people.

Indecision might also be due to obsessive traits , obsession for perfection , difficulty in discarding old ,futile items (hoarders with a thought that it might be useful in the future).

So,if anyone of is having incapacitating difficulty(a little difficulty and weighing various options is normal) in taking decisions,the first thing you have to do is rule out any underlying psychiatric illness.

There are various exercises and techniques which help with this difficulty which is taught in behaviour therapies.

One of them is the pros and cons list.

In which one has to make a list of all the possible options , choosing and thinking of the options creatively and then Making a list of pros and cons .

One is also suggested to make a long term vs short term list of pros and cons.All of this done with the aim of productive and more thoughtful decision making.

Whether it is due to a psychiatric Illness or you are just in one of those phases of life where you are standing on the crossroads,you have to go either here or there.This helps and ofcourse discussions with people you trust makes things easier.

Insight into the problem is the first them in overcoming it.

And yes if it is due to the mental illness , eventually with all the other symptoms this will also improve on taking treatment.

So cheers it is not that bad,reach out,you are not alone.



Quarter-life crisis…yes it has a name!!

Please note: This is going to be a very casual post…

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Hey!! how are you?

How old are you? yes, you?

Have you managed, to get yourself the job of your dreams???

Have you been able to get married yet?

Oh, that car we used to talk about, have you bought it?

Do you have a baby yet?

Do you feel trapped?

Do you feel, you have outgrown your partner?

Do you feel you could have got yourself someone better?

Do you feel confused??

and most of all, are you happy?? or are you satisfied??

He was married for 3 years now,and ‘the’ wife was pregnant,they had known each other for a decade ,he was bored,very bored,he started dreading coming home from office,to his cranky pregnant wife,he was not happy with his life,he missed his college friends,some of whom were still single and travelling and apparently living his dream.He was 30 yrs old.

She had been single since forever ,her fear of rejection taking the toll,but now since she was reaching the ‘marriageble age ‘ her parents were worried,they wanted her to get ‘settled’,she was confused ,wasnt if she could give away her solitude,she was also scared to ‘die alone’,she wasnt sure of what she wanted ,she was very very unsure.She was 27 yrs old.

All he did was work these days,his office was his first home now,he could not recall when was the last time he took a break,he was tired ,tired of his ‘lifeless’ existence,he had no time at all,he missed those days ,those days of leisure where he would do nothing at all and pass the whole day just looking at the fan on his wall.He was 29 years old.

She felt lonely,unloved,though in a relationship , she was not in one at all.She would try each dress that would make her feel a little tall,She craved for attention and felt lonely and very small.She was 34 yrs old.

He was brilliant in his craft had a loving wife, but no work he could get at all, it pained so much to let his wife pay for every time they went to the mall. He would freak it out every time the Sensex made a fall, he was 32 yrs old.

She was not being able to concieve,they tried several times,this time it happened,she was happy but very anxious,she had worked really hard on her career was she ready to give it away,she wasn’t sure,she was scared to the core.She was 28 yrs old.

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Well, we have all hit our quarter-life already(being very optimistic thinking of life expectancy to be 100).

Quarter-life crisis as defined in the Collins British dictionary can be defined as a crisis experienced in one’s twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.

According to Eric Ericson’s stages of psychosocial development, people pass through a series of staged centered on social and emotional development.

At each point in a person life, he/she faces a conflict, which ought to be resolved and if it is not resolved, the person will have some of the other psychological issues.

We i.e. people between the age group, 21-39 are going through the sixth psychosocial stage of development i.e. intimacy vs. isolation(crisis), the virtue that we shall learn is love, yes love. He believed that it is vital that people develop close, commited relationships with other people, which are not necessarily romantic relationships, close friendships are also important. he described the stages as characterized by closeness, intimacy, honesty and of course love.

Apart from love, employment, choosing a career path, not feeling passionate about work, basically entering into the real world after college may become a major cause for stress and anxiety, living by oneself and ‘adulting’ might become unsettling to some.

Well all of us had dreams,had visions of how we wanted our lives to be ,and a very few of us have actually been able to achieve it,whether on the work front or on the relationship front ,so here are a few tips that can be of help:

  • First of all it is not too late,it never is.
  • Some things cannot be changed and those which cannot have to be accepted,no point wasting energy on thinking about it.
  • Things that can be changed ,ought to be changed,yes procrastination is a real problem and getting back that motivation is hard ,but it ought to be done and done now!! yes changing things will never be easy,equilibriums will be disturbed ,it will settle down eventually ,take the plunge ,take the risk.
  • Surround yourself with people who know you,who believe in you and your dreams and support you.
  • Make a legitimate list of pros and cons of the decision you are about to take.
  • Consult people you trust,ask for help,ask,approach…
  • Do things that help you be motivated,it is absolutely normal to feel stagnated at some point in life, do things along which help you be happy .pursue your hobbies,take a break.
  • Engage in whatever you do,with full zeal.
  • Move on,yes easier said than done,but let not your past experiences,hamper your present.
  • Anticipate,your problems beforehand and be prepared.
  • Accept opportunities,see them as opportunities instead of stressors.
  • Stop comparing,the grass is always greener on the other side,everybody has a different timeline,no two timelines are or can be the same,so it is absolutely futile to do so.Stop doing it.
  • if the distress is too much ,there is sleep disturbance,disturbance in appetite,daily functioning is being hampered,there is death wish,suicidal ideas,panic attacks,physical symptoms,there is no harm in seeking help from a mental health professional.
  • lastly you are not alone,reach out,talk about it,vent it out,you will always find a keen ear somewhere.

here i am attaching two songs,which depict this condition 😀


The white Pigeon…

He was a White Pigeon, one of its kind.

He was a White Pigeon, alone in the crowd.

He was a white pigeon, he loved one of his kind.

He was a white pigeon, cornered by them all.

He was a white pigeon, he fell for another one.

He was a white pigeon, told not to love the one.

He was a white pigeon,called names by the grey ones.

He was a white pigeon, free to be trapped in his own world.

One fine day,the white pigeon,found a white hawk.

he was a white hawk who was in love with a swan,he was also called names and trapped in his world.Together they formed a bond,a bond that lasted until the dawn,they flew above them all…

there were white birds as beautiful as any other one,trapped in their own worlds…

#loveforall#stopthediscrimination
Sexuality is a spectrum.


Grief and life.

raat bhar yaad aati rahi’

Well today I’ll be writing about ,grief…

So basically grief is a fancy term given for the subjective feeling one has ,when one survives a loss ,loss of a loved one ,loss of a bond or affection that was formed.

Although mostly it is used and focused on the emotional response to loss , it also has physical , behavioral, social, spiritual repurcussions.
It is sometimes also used synonymously to mourning,though mourning is the process of getting over grief.

The first response to loss ,DENIAL or disbelief ,which is manifested as searching behaviour ,pinning ,missing ,yearning , longing and protest.
The duration of this phase is also subjective like the response ,some take minutes while others take weeks to get over it.

followed by denying the event, ANGER takes charge manifested as anguish,frustration,irritability,the anger might be displaced on others,or self one tries to take the situation in control,when actually one doesn’t have any control over it. we commonly ask “‘why of all people me!!”‘ we blame God ,we blame ourselves ,we blame life.This phase might last for months together.

BARGAINING ,we are trained this way ,when we desire something that is hard to get we bargain, we bargain with others ,we also bargain with the almighty,” please get this done,i will give up on non vegetarian food.”
“please ,let me see her for one last time,i will never ask for anything else” ,aren’t we designed this way??Breaking the hope ,is tough,this shatters,there is no chance,things can be reversed.
which leads us to the next phase

DEPRESSION ,in this stage one shows the clinical signs of depression ,that is withdrawal ,being alone ,sleep disturbance ,hopelessness ,sometimes suicidal ideas ,guilt, loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities.
Not everybody goes through this phase and the severity is also variable and subjective.

The final stage is ACCEPTANCE ,people realise the inevitability of death , seperation and accept the universality of the experience.
ideally when there is proper resolution ,people can talk about the experience and facing the unknown.

Speaking of it generally ,ALL of us ,at some point or the other in life have to face separation from the loved ones ,face losses, either to death or to life .

“In my abode there is neither birth ,death,old age or disease. Going there one never returns”

Shree Krishna


Sublimation

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Sublimation refers to the change from solid to gas without passing through the liquid phase, metaphorical for the change from solid bulked up emotions, anxieties, insecurities to feeling lighter and better.

They had to part ways, there was no other way,she loved him allot,he was scared to acknowledge .They met when both were vulnerable,both needy in someway,both craved for company,they were happy to have found each other,there were fireworks initially.She missed his laugh the most,he was such a comedian,she missed the non sense they did together.But, it wasnt meant to be,may be, they thought they had met earlier things would have been different.She was sad ,felt emptied again,felt miserable again.But, she could not flaunt her sadness,she could not tell anyone ,no one,but herself.She looked at her paintings,looked at her candle jars ,why had she stopped?Time had coagulated over her.She could not love him ,not allowed so she picked up her brush and painted the canvas yellow and black,he loved yellow.They parted forever .But,she felt less empty less lonely.

He was cheated upon by his wife and friend,he had loved her since forever,he was 35 now and divorced since 5 years,he did not want another relationship,he said his emotions had died,he felt betrayed,he was hurt,sadly he still loved her,he loved his babies,But could not have them now, he missed her smell ,she smelled like first rain,he missed her nose,cute as a button.He looked at his flickr account,remembered he had taught her how to click pictures, he missed her,he cleaned up his lens and tripod and set out in his car into the wilderness.

Her daughter got married ,son moved out for college ,husband got transfered and dearest dog died,But she had to be strong,strong for everybody,she was the soul of the family ,she could not afford to breakdown.She looked at her harmonium ,remembered the times when they all jammed together,all of them musicians,she smiled and registered herself for a music class.She still felt lonely at times but much better than before.She sang herself out of the misery.

He was about to reach his retirement,he had started loosing his friends to death,he had started forgetting things,he felt inadequate,he felt numb ,he was sad very sad.But he could not breakdown ,he had nobody to fall onto,he looked at his library ,all the books were covered in dust,he picked up his favorite one which helped him gather himself.

she blogged and blogged and blogged to get over her failure .

well, sublimation is basically the gratification of an urge an impulse whose goal is retained but the mode and object are changed from a socially objectionable to a socially valued one. In sublimation, the feelings are acknowledged, modified and directed towards a relatively significant person.

It ultimately results in modest instinctual satisfaction results.

are we using sublimation here,yes we are.