Grief and life.

raat bhar yaad aati rahi’

Well today I’ll be writing about ,grief…

So basically grief is a fancy term given for the subjective feeling one has ,when one survives a loss ,loss of a loved one ,loss of a bond or affection that was formed.

Although mostly it is used and focused on the emotional response to loss , it also has physical , behavioral, social, spiritual repurcussions.
It is sometimes also used synonymously to mourning,though mourning is the process of getting over grief.

The first response to loss ,DENIAL or disbelief ,which is manifested as searching behaviour ,pinning ,missing ,yearning , longing and protest.
The duration of this phase is also subjective like the response ,some take minutes while others take weeks to get over it.

followed by denying the event, ANGER takes charge manifested as anguish,frustration,irritability,the anger might be displaced on others,or self one tries to take the situation in control,when actually one doesn’t have any control over it. we commonly ask “‘why of all people me!!”‘ we blame God ,we blame ourselves ,we blame life.This phase might last for months together.

BARGAINING ,we are trained this way ,when we desire something that is hard to get we bargain, we bargain with others ,we also bargain with the almighty,” please get this done,i will give up on non vegetarian food.”
“please ,let me see her for one last time,i will never ask for anything else” ,aren’t we designed this way??Breaking the hope ,is tough,this shatters,there is no chance,things can be reversed.
which leads us to the next phase

DEPRESSION ,in this stage one shows the clinical signs of depression ,that is withdrawal ,being alone ,sleep disturbance ,hopelessness ,sometimes suicidal ideas ,guilt, loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities.
Not everybody goes through this phase and the severity is also variable and subjective.

The final stage is ACCEPTANCE ,people realise the inevitability of death , seperation and accept the universality of the experience.
ideally when there is proper resolution ,people can talk about the experience and facing the unknown.

Speaking of it generally ,ALL of us ,at some point or the other in life have to face separation from the loved ones ,face losses, either to death or to life .

“In my abode there is neither birth ,death,old age or disease. Going there one never returns”

Shree Krishna


letter to kuro

dear kuro,

we still can’t believe that it has been one year since you left us.

I still shut the gate as tight as possible , when I enter your home.

I still expect to see you jumping with joy when i enter your door.

I still look around to see you sleeping somewhere indifferent to every other activity.

We still hesitate in saying “chalo”.

Mummy still closes the door swiftly as she leaves home.

We miss u babu kuro.we miss you allot.

i was in my eleventh grade ,when siddhu adamantly brought u home,

i couldnt come to recieve you at the airport,as i had tuition classes to attend.

U came from bangalore ,siddhu said along with your brother.

siddhu chose you out of the two ,as u had a darker skin color .

I was there at home to receive u along with Subbu and Sinha auntie.

all of us were so excited to see you.

I cannot describe in words ,how adorable you were as a puppy,the cutest i had ever seen , u were just 40 days old .(it pained to think u were separated from ur family ,at such a tender age).

and the first thing u did as soon as u landed on the floor was to pee.

and you had us all in splits(except maa,who until now had evidently expressed her distress “hum abhi bhi keh rahe hain isko wapas kar aao “)

Siddhu was the happiest ,cute little boy he was back then.

I remember your first night at our home.mummy had bought a basket for you ,which is now being used for laundry,she had put an old quilt of mine and you were placed in the same.(u were expected to sleep and stay in there baba ).

But , as soon as all dozed off you manouverd and came out.I as usual was the last to sleep, was watching over you the whole night and many other nights that followed.

you remember your strict trainer??

the tall police trainer? of course, you do?how scared you used to get, I was the one who would save you from him.there were so many times I would not open the door for him.

I was so protective of you.

oh!I clearly remember all those girlfriends of yours, the black lab, the yellow lab, of course, spuggy our favorite,we suspected the yellow one had your babies,but her mom denied.Anyways spuggy was our favorite.We have named another one spuggy now.

Remember the fight you got into with that adult great dane .It was like Nawazuddin Siddiqui getting into a fight with the great Khali.You behaved hilariously that day.

ofcourse that incident when a small squirrel entered our home and u ran upto it,we got scared u would harm it .instead you carried it tenderly in your mouth and left it in the garden.such a gentle dog you were.

Panchalotiya sir used to call you the old wise man.

mama called you cousin dog kuro.

Nanu called you koru.

Some even called you purab.
there are soooo many other incidences kuro.I wish i could tell you.

I wish i could be with you in your illness.

I regret not being able to mourn your demise properly, as i was getting engaged the next day.

maa and papa are fine, though they are still struggling with the void that was created.but they are doing fine.Maali kaka has shifted, i haven’t seen him since last 365 days.

I hope he is fine.

we all still love you babu kuro.and will always do.I wish you a very happy life wherever you are today.You will always be in our thoughts.

and i am a vegetarian because you changed our outlook towards animals.

love to the power infinity

srivastavas and friends

(special mention to Sinha uncle and family,avinash Nayal, Ragini Varshney ,Raja uncle, CHoubey unlce ,maali kaka,watchman kaka,mani ben and all those who have given our Kuro love, we are all very thankful)