i see myself as a pendulum
bouncing back and forth
between arrogance and doubt
i see myself swaying here and there
coming back in the centre
swaying away again
i think to myself may be i am the one seeing
may be i am the bolt staying
i think i get tired i think again
i step back and observe
all this drama i create
laugh at it,it makes me cry at times
i say enough is enough
bring it on
whatever it is
i will go with the flow
i will free myself to just be as it is
i question this ‘i’
it is blurred than before
i question this ‘i’
and wooooof here it passes by
we had an aquarium ,when i was a kid
we let the fish poop,eat and die in it
would let the dirt settle,making the water unclear…
would make the fish less visible…then once in a month when it would get very dirty…
we would get our hands dirty and put the fish in a smaller vessel,when we moved them,they would gasp for their air i.e. water for a while,some would struggle and fall on the ground…
most of them would get back to normal,once put back in the jar…
some would get sick and recover while some would succumb…
would that stop us from cleaning the aquarium?
would not cleaning it regularly prevent the deaths?
would the dirty aquarium not become like a gas chamber?
would it not lead to sickness ?
well im on the journey of cleansing my minds aquarium,i have opened my long standing wound for dressing
it pains, it hurts, i shriek i cry…i go quiet…
i know it hurts my vicinity as well,but can the flow ,can the journey be stopped?
i am trying hard,really hard to see clearly but in vain,the water is dirty,stagnant,the settled dirt has surfaced…
but i can do nothing but wait…holding on to faith ,giving up on hope…
i am waiting patiently,patiently to see clearly…
Contd. On the second page…
Please note: This is going to be a very casual post…
Hey!! how are you?
How old are you? yes, you?
Have you managed, to get yourself the job of your dreams???
Have you been able to get married yet?
Oh, that car we used to talk about, have you bought it?
Do you have a baby yet?
Do you feel trapped?
Do you feel, you have outgrown your partner?
Do you feel you could have got yourself someone better?
Do you feel confused??
and most of all, are you happy?? or are you satisfied??
He was married for 3 years now,and ‘the’ wife was pregnant,they had known each other for a decade ,he was bored,very bored,he started dreading coming home from office,to his cranky pregnant wife,he was not happy with his life,he missed his college friends,some of whom were still single and travelling and apparently living his dream.He was 30 yrs old.
She had been single since forever ,her fear of rejection taking the toll,but now since she was reaching the ‘marriageble age ‘ her parents were worried,they wanted her to get ‘settled’,she was confused ,wasnt if she could give away her solitude,she was also scared to ‘die alone’,she wasnt sure of what she wanted ,she was very very unsure.She was 27 yrs old.
All he did was work these days,his office was his first home now,he could not recall when was the last time he took a break,he was tired ,tired of his ‘lifeless’ existence,he had no time at all,he missed those days ,those days of leisure where he would do nothing at all and pass the whole day just looking at the fan on his wall.He was 29 years old.
She felt lonely,unloved,though in a relationship , she was not in one at all.She would try each dress that would make her feel a little tall,She craved for attention and felt lonely and very small.She was 34 yrs old.
He was brilliant in his craft had a loving wife, but no work he could get at all, it pained so much to let his wife pay for every time they went to the mall. He would freak it out every time the Sensex made a fall, he was 32 yrs old.
She was not being able to concieve,they tried several times,this time it happened,she was happy but very anxious,she had worked really hard on her career was she ready to give it away,she wasn’t sure,she was scared to the core.She was 28 yrs old.
Well, we have all hit our quarter-life already(being very optimistic thinking of life expectancy to be 100).
Quarter-life crisis as defined in the Collins British dictionary can be defined as a crisis experienced in one’s twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.
According to Eric Ericson’s stages of psychosocial development, people pass through a series of staged centered on social and emotional development.
At each point in a person life, he/she faces a conflict, which ought to be resolved and if it is not resolved, the person will have some of the other psychological issues.
We i.e. people between the age group, 21-39 are going through the sixth psychosocial stage of development i.e. intimacy vs. isolation(crisis), the virtue that we shall learn is love, yes love. He believed that it is vital that people develop close, commited relationships with other people, which are not necessarily romantic relationships, close friendships are also important. he described the stages as characterized by closeness, intimacy, honesty and of course love.
Apart from love, employment, choosing a career path, not feeling passionate about work, basically entering into the real world after college may become a major cause for stress and anxiety, living by oneself and ‘adulting’ might become unsettling to some.
Well all of us had dreams,had visions of how we wanted our lives to be ,and a very few of us have actually been able to achieve it,whether on the work front or on the relationship front ,so here are a few tips that can be of help:
- First of all it is not too late,it never is.
- Some things cannot be changed and those which cannot have to be accepted,no point wasting energy on thinking about it.
- Things that can be changed ,ought to be changed,yes procrastination is a real problem and getting back that motivation is hard ,but it ought to be done and done now!! yes changing things will never be easy,equilibriums will be disturbed ,it will settle down eventually ,take the plunge ,take the risk.
- Surround yourself with people who know you,who believe in you and your dreams and support you.
- Make a legitimate list of pros and cons of the decision you are about to take.
- Consult people you trust,ask for help,ask,approach…
- Do things that help you be motivated,it is absolutely normal to feel stagnated at some point in life, do things along which help you be happy .pursue your hobbies,take a break.
- Engage in whatever you do,with full zeal.
- Move on,yes easier said than done,but let not your past experiences,hamper your present.
- Anticipate,your problems beforehand and be prepared.
- Accept opportunities,see them as opportunities instead of stressors.
- Stop comparing,the grass is always greener on the other side,everybody has a different timeline,no two timelines are or can be the same,so it is absolutely futile to do so.Stop doing it.
- if the distress is too much ,there is sleep disturbance,disturbance in appetite,daily functioning is being hampered,there is death wish,suicidal ideas,panic attacks,physical symptoms,there is no harm in seeking help from a mental health professional.
- lastly you are not alone,reach out,talk about it,vent it out,you will always find a keen ear somewhere.
here i am attaching two songs,which depict this condition 😀
my search for the meaning of life
Well, it has been a while since I have written.I was actually absorbing things before delivering.
what has made me write this??..
today I completed reading a book which is a life changer precisely and going through it has been a therapeutic experience on its own, it is like meditation, so I wanted to share the wisdom I have gained after reading it.
secondly, today is valentines day, yes, of course, it is not as important to us as it used to be earlier, still, some amount of limelight we can throw on it for old times sake and for the great memories it has given us.
what is so great about this book??
firstly, it is written by Dr. Viktor E. Frankl who was an Austrian (Jewish) psychiatrist as well as a neurologist.
But, more importantly, he survived the dreaded Holocaust.
Secondly, the book is simple yet very intense, each sentence holds a meaning one has to read between the lines, the lines which themselves are very meaningful.Dr. Frankl has very intricately and with clarity illustrated his extraordinary journey of survival, survival in the most brutal situations possible (though he has tried to tone down the level of brutality).
The moment one starts reading it, one is gripped by the hope he instills into the reader.
yes getting carried away while describing the book is easy and unavoidable for someone like me, cause at this instant I am spellbound by it.
but, not making it a book review, I would quote a few lines about life and love inspired by the book and other sources.
life ,of what little wisdom i have,isa gift,a gift that is wrapped up in various layers,each layer when removed brings in an irreversible change in us,each layer when removed has a meaning.But,the process of changing the wrapper is difficult,full of joys ,stressors ,achievements.The meaning of life ,differs from man to man and from time to time.every person is unique,absolutely unique,his abilities,his opportunities,his struggles are unique,so is his meaning of life.
EACH man is questioned by life at some point or the other ,their meaning of life,their purpose of existence.
searching for the same and trying to answer it helps one to look at the bigger picture and ultimately gives one enough strenght and hope to cope with a given situation.this helps a person to actualise his full potentials.
I remember reading a quote of Mahatma Gandhi where he says, when you are having difficulty taking a decision, think whether your action will help the poorest person you have seen?
will that was his meaning of life, that was his altruistic way of thinking.
the problem we are facing today is meaninglessness,there is no meaning in our conversations, no meaning in our attitudes and no meaning in our existence, the society today has become achievement oriented if someone is achieving something he or she is supposed to be happy.but, I think after reading the book is that life has a much bigger purpose,a bigger meaning.one should live each day as if it is a new life altogether and one can correct or relive one life again, better than one did earlier.My meaning for life currently and since the time i have known has been serving, serving people who need it, it has become my motivating drive, explains many things that i do.
hope i have been able to put my point of view forward,I am still learning to write .bookreview